i write about my mother often in my posts. one reason is that as a mom, i can relate most of my experiences to her. it's no secret that men and women process events, problems and even joys in different ways. however, i don't want anyone reading my blog to underestimate the vast impression made upon my life by my father. it is hard for me to put into words the intense feelings of love that i have for my father. but i would like to try.

this morning as i was cleaning the house i was humming/singing as i usually do. and a special song popped into my mind. it was wide open spaces by the dixie chicks. my daddy once told me that this song reminded him of me and i have never forgotten that. i can't listen to the song without my heart welling with love for my father. and there are a few lessons in the song that hold true for me and my father.

who doesn't know what i'm talking about? who's never left home, who's never struck out? to find a dream and a life of their own. a place in the clouds a foundation of stone?

anyone who knows me well, knows that i am a home body. i love to be at home with my family and rarely do things without my family. i lived at home through college. i tried twice to live on campus and returned home within one week each time. the first time i moved from home was when i went to seminary in new orleans. my father, mother, sister and grandmother drove down with me and helped me unload everything into my dorm room. then we ate at popeyes. i didn't eat. i sat there crying the whole time. i cried for hours when they left. but this time i made it. and i fell in love with a boy going to seminary in fort worth texas. so at the end of my first quarter, i packed up my car with my belongs and i headed to texas - the wide open spaces. texas. now i was 9 hours away from my family instead of four. but the foundation of stone had already been laid in my life. my father made sure that the foundation of our lives was that of God because God's foundation stands firm (2 timothy 2:19). i was finally ready to leave home, to build my life on my foundation. God's foundation.

she needs wide open spaces, room to make her big mistakes. she needs new faces, she knows the high stakes.

mistakes. wow, i've made a lot through out my life. and i know of several big mistakes that were very painful for my father to witness. but he loved me enough, and trusted the Lord enough to let me make those mistakes. you see proverbs 22:6 tells us to train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it. as parents we want to protect our children from mistakes. but if we protect them from every mistake, we prevent them from learning from the consequences. and we prevent them from learning how to rely on God. because as much as we might want to protect our children, we are human and we will fail. but God . . . He is faithful and just and ever present. and He loves our children more than we do.

as her folks drive away her dad yells check the oil.

when my daddy left me he always said, "remember whose you are". at the time i just assumed he meant my mother and himself. as i grew older and matured in my faith i realized he meant God. and because of the Godly rearing my father and mother gave me i have never doubted whose i am, nor have i doubted His love for me. i also never doubted the love of my daddy. and when it came time to chose the man to join my life with, i looked for someone like my daddy. a Godly man, devoted to living a life pleasing to the Lord, a man who would lead me and my children to love and serve the Lord.

daddy, you are more precious to me than words could ever express. i am thankful for your Godly example, your patience and support throughout my life and inspite of my mistakes. i love you with all of my heart.

let me set the stage. it's 1980/1990 something (i'm too lazy to do the math) and my mother's 35th birthday was approaching and i wanted to get her a gift. with a limited budget of a youngster's allowance, i set out in walmart in search of the perfect gift (this was back in the day when you could let your child go to a different department of the store without worrying about their safety). i have always been a practical person, which has generally been reflected in my gift choosing throughout my life. so i made my way to the domestics department. yep, household goods. for her birthday. and i find what i think to be a suitable gift. and it's funny. to me. and i, in my childlike innocence, think it will be amusing to her as well. the gift? a blue pot holder with the saying, "middle age is when you hear snap, crackle, pop and you're not eating cereal". wow. she was 35. knowing what i know now, you know we get wiser with age, i certainly hope that 35 wasn't middle age for her!

flash forward to the current day and time. i walked into the kitchen last night to finish cleaning up and i saw sarah's baby (a little lamb given to her at birth by my mother) on the counter. she sleeps with "baby" every night and i couldn't believe she had gone to bed without her. i also knew that if she awoke in the middle of the night unable to find "baby" that i would be awakened to find "baby". so i took "baby" and headed to her room to place her safely next to sarah. i take one step into the hallway and immediately realize that ethan is still awake. he's supposed to be asleep and if he sees me he will cry. so like a ninja, i take a step backwards in the hallway to hide myself from his view. unlike a ninja, my knee pops. and loudly. and i see ethan whip his head around as i am stepping backwards, knee a-poppin, and hear him say, "what's that?". i'm standing there in the hall way amused at his keen hearing (i mean my knee couldn't have popped that loudly, could it have???) and wondering how i'm going to get "baby" in bed with sarah without ethan seeing me. i peek around the corner and see ethan pick up his bunny and start looking at the tag. i decide this is my chance to accomplish my task. i lean forward and toss "baby" into sarah's room and smile as it lands perfectly next to her sleeping body. then i go to step out of the hallway into the living room and my other knee pops. i snicker to myself as i realize that age has not only brought a small amount of wisdom but noises i used to hear from my parents. and immediately i am thrown back into time - to purchasing that aforementioned pot holder and giving it to my mother.

i hope she sees the humor in this that i see. as a mother, i am sure that i am old in my daughter's eyes. she has told me so. and it's not so long ago that in my young mind my parents were old. so, i'm sorry mom. i hear the snap, crackle, pop too now. and i hope it's not middle age for me either! i love you!

children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. honor your mother and father, which is the first commandment with a promise - that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth. ephesians 6:1-3

where has the month of august gone? it's september 1 (tomorrow) and it seems like just yesterday we were ringing in the new year. time flies when you're having fun. not that this has been a totally fun week. we think we finally have our air conditioner problems solved, expensive as it was to solve them. but the house is now nice and cool and we're praising the Lord for that. the new dishwasher is installed, after two days of working on it, and it works wonderfully. her name is joy, because she brings me joy.

ethan is up to his old tricks again. today when he asked for his third sippie of milk within 10 minutes i told him no. he looked at me, pointed that little finger at me and said, "don't tell me no". i had to bite my lip and look away to keep from laughing at him. he's so spunky. the house three doors down from ours caught fire today. there were four firetrucks and police cars everywhere on our street and in front of our house. they had the road blocked off and people were congregating in the yard. so we walked outside to chat with a neighbor. when ethan saw the firetrucks he was so excited. he said, "yay! then started going woooooooo (the sound of a siren). it was so cute but kind of embarrassing. we went back inside soon after that.

sarah is enjoying first grade. her fundraiser walk is thursday morning from 9am until 10am. ethan and i will be going to cheer her on. i'm so thankful the weather is cooler this week and that we will be able to enjoy being outside.

no insightful posts tonight. just wanted to update everyone on what's been going on in our lives.

today was sarah's first day of first grade. as we were getting her supplies ready last night she commented on how heavy they were. i reassured her that i would help her carry them in the morning. then she hit me with the words that no mom wants to hear. "i don't need you to walk me to my room because i'm a first grader now. i'm not a kindergartener, you know". i did my best to not look defeated. i did my best to laugh it off. but if i am honest, it hurt. i knew this day would come. i just didn't know she'd be six. as we arrived at school this morning i convinced her to let me walk her to the door of the school and help her carry her things. she relunctantly agreed. but as we crossed the threshold of the door, she promptly took her supplies and spun on one heel to go to her class. no kiss, no hug, not even a goodbye. i had to call her back for a quick, and i do mean quick, kiss and picture. it's humerous. it's hard to be sad when she's so excited. but it does happen all too fast and it's not something you can understand until you've been there.

as i reflect on sarah's declaration, "i don't need you . . .", i wonder how many times i've made that same declaration to my heavenly Father. whether audibly, through my actions or by my attitude, i have said that many times. and thankfully, He knows what i as a parent know. in fact i do need Him, just as sarah needs me. and while the physical limitations of this world prevent me from being ever present with sarah . . . leading her to make good choices, protecting her from harm, and supporting her through each and every step of the day . . . our Father has promised to be with us both. because we do need Him. thank You Father, for Your presence in my life and in the life of my daughter. and thank You for being there even when we think we don't need You.

and surely i am with you always. matthew 28:20

ethan cracks me up. i don't know if what i'm laughing at is supposed to be laughed at, but he is so funny. my parents recently got to enjoy some of his humorous behavior. my mother and i were doing something on the computer and he came up to me out of the blue and said, "mama, timeout". he gets sent to timeout on a regular basis. i guess he is trying to see if he has the same power. the next night at dinner he had been counted and sent to his room several times because he wouldn't quit jumping in the chair. so when i told him he couldn't have coke, he told me, "that's three. go your room". i can't help but laugh. he's so adamant about it.

saturday he made both donald and i laugh. we were heading to the store and he wanted music. surprise, surprise. but i'm sick of hannah montana and jonas brothers (i know, blasphemy), so i put on rascal flatts. a few notes into the song he firmly says, "aw, come on". if i had coke in my mouth i would've spit it out. he's growing up way too fast.

we're still waiting on our friend to come and fix our leak in our master bath. we have at least narrowed it down to a tub problem so we're only using the shower in the meantime. we're also hoping that he can give us a good deal on a fence as we really need one to keep a certain little boy in OUR yard and out of the street. i love my house, but there is going to be a longer list of must haves at our next house.

just a little over a week until sarah starts first grade. i know that she's ready. but i hate having to be at home and at the bus stop at 3:00pm every afternoon. it's really annoying to be on someone else's schedule.

i'm trying to develop a new recipe: chocolate cupcakes with oreo frosting. perhaps today will be the day. if donald gets home from the doctor in time for me to go to the store.

today was a wonderful family day. we got up and spent the morning cleaning the house so that when we all return home it will be clean. then we ran to louise's to get a cake board and box for matthew's birthday cake. and what day would be complete without a trip to walmart? a good day. but we still went. thankfully we were only gone a couple of hours. a miracle in birmingham. then it was home to bake and decorate a birthday cake.

donald cooked new york strip steaks for dinner along with baked potatoes. delicious. he's such a grill master! it was his birthday dinner, but he graciously cooked it.

matthew's cake came out so good. i was very pleased with it. i hope that he and his family liked it as well.

ethan is doing good potty training. well, i guess i shouldn't say potty training. but he asks to go potty and he will tt on the potty. he'll come up to you, pulling at his diaper, and say, "i want take it off". then if you ask him if he wants to go potty he will say, "i want to go potty". and he will! he's gone several times a day for the past four days. every little bit helps.

goodnight family and friends.

my husband loves peanut butter and chocolate. so naturally you think of reese's peanut butter cups (or at least i do). so i decided to make him a birthday cake based on that theme. i baked a devil's food cake and added 2 cups of semi-sweet chocolate chips. then i whipped up a batch of peanut butter frosting. once i frosted my chocolate cake with my peanut butter frosting, i cut miniature reese's peanut butter cups in half and arranged them around the bottom layer of the cake. i also crumbled some and sprinkled it on the top.

the result: a beautiful cake, a tasty combination and a very HAPPY husband.

since he will leave for camp on his birthday, i wanted him to have the cake to enjoy all weekend. i'm pretty sure he will continue to enjoy it. we even shared a few pieces with a handful of people we are thankful for. happy birthday, donald. we will miss you next week.

ethan has been asking to go potty for weeks now and we've been telling him, "you don't know how to potty". he finally asked one day this week and donald put him on the potty. and he went! four times in one day. he went again today. i think he goes just so he can throw toliet paper into the potty and flush it. but whatever works!

sarah is starting to get excited about first grade. i don't know what's so important about first grade, but i've heard that a lot of kids think it's a really big deal. she is no exception. her teacher is going to be mrs. shackelford. i've heard from several friends that she is very sweet. we've been praying for her since may and will continue to pray for her throughout the year. hopefully as we get to know her throughout the year she will share specific requests with us. but if not, we will pray for her wisdom, patience and loving spirit. that's what i think i would need as a teacher.

tomorrow i am baking a cake for a sweet little boy, matthew. i taught him in choir this year and i just love him. i'm so honored that his mom asked me to make him a cake. the plan is to make an 11x15 sheet cake and frost it with green grass. then make a 3d soccer ball out of fondant. i hope i can do this! i've already done a trial run on the soccer ball so i feel confident about that. it's the grass i haven't tried. but i seem to figure out piping really quick and i bought the right tip, so it should be a piece of cake.

well, tuesdays and thursdays are generally my day in the kitchen. i guess that's why they are my favorite days of the week. this week's challenge: a three dimensional soccer ball to put on a sheet cake. mission accomplished. thanks to publisher and my awesome hubby i was able to print out the hexagon and pentagon shapes needed to make a realistic soccer ball. i rolled out the white fondant and drew on the black pentagons. i used a toothpick to make the indentations on the white hexagons so that you could see each one. perfect if i do say so myself. hopefully matthew will think so too when he sees his cake on sunday!

i also did a ton of cleaning today, which is pretty much every day. i keep saying i need a maid. but then it dawns on me that i am the maid. oh well. i know that one day it will be just donald and i. and i will still be the maid. i am the only neat freak in my family. but today's payment was a sweet little ethan toddling up to me with that charming grin on his face to tell me, "i la chou mama" (i love you, mama). i felt like george banks in father of the bride. except that instead of reflecting back on my child at age six, though they are twenty something and getting married, i am savoring every moment of my child at their current age. because i know it won't be like this for long. and i know i'm gonna miss this. and i am going to look back with fond memories and not regrets.

ok, the cleaner is on. and i'm starting to like that show. good night my family and friends.

time to make something for donald. he likes pie, so i decided to bake the butterscotch pie that i've been mulling over for months. the pie turned out good, but the butterscotch flavor was very strong. i think i would've preferred if it were less dominant. he enjoyed it though and that's all that really matters.

ethan has a new cute thing. he is in love with the new hannah montana song, "he could be the one". perhaps that's because they play it every three minutes on the disney station. but he walked into the family room last night holding his sippie cup sideways and strumming it like a guitar singing that song. the boy loves music. too cute.

random thought: what makes paint not stick to the corner of the wall? seems like every corner of my freshly painted house is already starting to look worn. if anyone knows how to fix this i would appreciate some advice. it drives me nuts! :)

this weekend i went on an overnight planning retreat for mops (mother's of preschoolers). those who know me well know that i do not like to spend the night away from home. i never have. on the rare occasion that i spent the night at a friend's house i would awaken at 6am (if i slept at all) and call my mother to come get me. i just do not like to be away from my home at night, but i spent the night anyway. and i had a blessed time. i would've missed out on some middle of the night (or early morning) bonding with some dear friends had i gone home. i'm so glad that i stayed.

this weekend i saw the question: "what's your favorite thing to do with your kids?". i didn't get to answer the question at the time, but would like to answer it now. my favorite thing to do with my kids is put on a concert. anyone who has spent more than a few minutes around either of my children know they both LOVE music. and yes, this is something that they get from their mother. at least one night a week is spent watching videos on demand or listening to songs that we've purchased and downloaded on the computer. sarah puts on a show, many times with multiple costume changes, most often using the coffee table as her stage. and ethan will not be out done by his sister. he may not be able to change his clothes yet, but there is no way she comes close to out-dancing him. the singing is pretty equal: loud, off key and sometimes unintelligible. but that's part of what makes it so fun. because then i don't have to be on key or know every word. but giggles and smiles abound and fun is had by all, thus making it my favorite thing to do with my children.

nothing is baking in the kitchen tonight. staying up until past 4am with friends has made me too tired to cook. but my heart is nourished with sweet fellowship and my mind is renewed and focused on God. and that, my friends, is why my life takes the cake.

today was a baking day. i was in a cake mood. a chocolate cake mood. and i had been wanting to do something with fondant. i tried my hand at a 3d bear the other night and it came out good. today i wanted to do a 2d creation. this is my second time to work with tinting fondant and i think i have the process down now. but this is my first time to create an animal for a cake. once the cake was made, i realized i should've piped the mane and put the fondant pieces on top of that. but i put the head down first and then piped the lion's mane. once the fondant was down i couldn't move it without breaking it.

today's creation: a devil's food cake with decorator frosting tinted sky blue featuring a fondant lion with tinted brown decorator frosting for the mane.

tomorrow the inlaws are coming in town for a few days. i'm planning on taking advantage of their visit to get some free babysitting. i want to go to the movies and eat at pf changs. so that's the plan for friday night. donald wants to try and go see a fireworks show on saturday night. we've done that for the last two years, so it's kind of becoming a family tradition. other than that, we plan on a low key weekend.

i am a planner. i don't like change and i don't like unplanned activities. when something comes up that changes my plans i get upset. therefore, we don't normally do things spur of the moment. i was sitting at home with the children doing nothing, which was my plan for the day. my sister called and asked if i wanted to meet for lunch. "heck yeah i do" was my response. they had just passed through tuscaloosa on their way to atlanta for a family vacation/client entertainment meeting for shawn. we met for lunch at o'charleys and at some point during the conversation i asked what they were doing once they got to atlanta. april told me they were going to a braves game and asked, "you don't want to go do you?". i hesitated. it wasn't in my plans. my heart wanted to go, to spend some time with my beloved sister and her family. but my brain was searching for reasons we couldn't go. i couldn't think of a reason. so i messaged donald and asked him if he wanted to go. he said yes. i couldn't believe it. so i asked if he was sure and his response was, "yes. we never do anything impulsive. let's go." so we went. we stopped by the house and packed an overnight bag for everyone and we got in the car and went to atlanta - spur of the moment.

and we had the best time. i don't think i've laughed as much since i was last with my sister. only my sister knows the inside jokes that we have. only my sister can make me laugh at the stupidest of things. only my sister can make me bust out laughing with just a look. i would've missed out on 24 hours of fun if i hadn't been willing to bust out of my mold and do something spur of the moment.

life is hard for those of us not inclined to warmly embrace change. life is full of change, much of which people like myself hold off at a distance for as long as possible and accept with clenched teeth when it is no longer possible to resist. thankfully, for people like me, there is one thing that never changes: the Lord. Malachi 3:6 says, "I the Lord do not change". time and time again i am reminded of God's faithfulness. though change is necessary, i can endure it through Christ who strengthens me and i can endure it knowing that my God will not forsake me, nor leave me alone. i am thankful to God for the gift of my family, for the memories we have and for the memories we will make in the future. it's just one more way in which . . . my life takes the cake.

wow. there's one week left in june. it seems our summer is quickly slipping away from us, but we've been busy and having a great time. last week was vbs and the kids loved it. they both love music and music is a big part of vbs at lakeside. so it was the perfect match for them. they like to say, "yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah to v v vbs."

today we went to desoto caverns. i didn't realize they have much more than the cave. the cave was nice though and it wasn't too much walking or climbing. there were only two sets of stairs that ethan and i missed out on. we waited at the bottom for the rest of the group. the stalagmites and stalactites are beautiful. the light show was a little lame, but maybe that's just me. the kids seemed to enjoy it. it was H O T though. by the end of the day we were sweaty and exhausted. but we made family memories and that's what counts. even got to enjoy some time with friends that i haven't spent time with lately. that's always a plus.

ethan made me laugh today. (he does most days though) we were sitting on the bench waiting for some of the group to finish an activity he and i could not participate in. and he wanted to go get into the water. he kept beckoning "come mon, come mon". but i didn't want to get wet and i didn't want him to get wet because i had a doctor's appointment on the way home and i didn't bring towels or a change of clothes. so i kept telling him no. he finally looked at me and said, "one, two . . ". i count to three before implenting discipline to ethan. so evidentally he has picked up on the "one, two . . ." as a way to get me to do what he wants. didn't work. but it did make me chuckle. i know that you're not supposed to laugh when they do something you don't want them to do . . but sometimes it's just flat out funny and you can't help yourself.

this weekend is shaping up to be a laid back weekend. sarah keeps begging to go to the pool so perhaps we can work that out. i'm not going to try and take both kids by myself! i'm too afraid one of them will get away from me. plus . . . i am not a "get wet" kind of gal. i really don't like to be wet. saturday i'll bake some mancakes (as d'an likes to call them) for some friends that have ordered them. sunday is father's day. i suppose i'll reflect on the three fathers in my life . . . my heavenly father, my earthly father and my children's father. both earthly fathers (my dad and my husband) are good reflections of my heavenly father. and for that i am thankful.

it's been a busy day decorating for vbs. we're all exhausted, but it's one of my favorite events of the year. the lack of naps is starting to catch up with us. i'm sitting here at the computer with ethan at my feet crying. in an attempt to stop the whining, i hand him a butterscotch chip. immediately he lifts his other hand for one more. so now he has one in each hand, because that's what kids do. he licks one. looks at the other. he likes it. but he realizes that if he eats one, he will only have one. and he looks at me helplessly. he's seeking reassurance that if he eats one, i'll give him another. i have a bag full of butterscotch chips (i want to make a butterscotch pie), and i am willing to give him another one. but he has to trust me and eat one, freeing his hand in the process for what is to come.

i'm quite sure i see myself in my son. God gives me something good and i want one more. i like both things, they are good, but i don't want to let go. what if my hand is left empty? however, what if God is sitting there . . looking at me . . waiting for me to let go of one so He can replace it with another. i'm 34 years old. what have i missed out on because i just wouldn't let go? my mother always told me "hold on to your blessings with open hands. allow God to give and to take as He pleases. sometimes He takes and gives something better".

wise words from a wise woman. "her children arise and call her blessed." (prov. 31:28a) you are blessed, mom. just as you called your mother blessed, so your children call you blessed. may i pursue the legacy maxine left and you uphold.

today we enjoyed spending the entire day at home. it's a rare occasion when we don't leave the house for anything, but we always enjoy ourselves when that happens. this morning we got out the slip and slide that aunt april sent ethan for his second birthday. there's a very gentle slope between our house and the neighbor's and it makes a great place for the slip and slide. it's just enough slope to help them slide down the slide easier without flying off the end into the grass.

getting out the slip and slide is a lot easier said than done. there's the slip and slide, which needed to be inflated and staked into the ground. then getting both kids into swimsuits (little swimmers for ethan). then bringing out chairs for mom and dad to sit in. sunscreen must be applied because we all burn very easily. drinks to be poured because everyone suddenly decides they are thirsty. a trip back inside to get forgotten towels. finally, we're ready to play on the slip and slide. my reward for my hard work: precious giggles and squeals of delight. i think my children had more fun in our own backyard than they did on our vacation last week. and until the water bill gets here, it didn't cost us a single penny. haha

there's not much that brings my heart more joy than hearing my children laughing and having fun. i love how sarah mothers ethan in a loving way that's not overbearing or bossy. i love hearing ethan laugh at the smallest of things. i love the way he wants to do everything that "sarwah" does. i love sarah asking me to rate her performance on a scale of 1 to 10. i love when sarah is telling me something and ethan says "momma" followed by a bunch of jibberish because he wants to be a part of the conversation. i love hearing ethan tell me "i love chou so mush". i love hearing sarah tell me that i'm "the best momma and that God did a good thing when He made me her mom".

it's such a shame that all people don't see their children as blessings. psalm 127:3 (cev) says that "children are a blessing and a gift from the Lord". wow. am i ever blessed. as a mom, i relish my children enjoying a gift more than i do receiving a gift. it gives me great satisfaction to see their pleasure with something i have picked out specifically for them. how much more does my Father, from whom all good and perfect gifts come (james 1:17), delight in my enjoyment of my children? He made them, knit them together (psalm 139:13), specifically for me. good? most of the time. perfect? perfect for me.

i haven't written in a week, which is why i put off blogging for so long. most days i don't have any profound thoughts or insights. the last week has been busy with living life and hasn't provided much time for reflective thinking. but here's a recap of the week:

tomorrow is sarah's last day of kindergarten. so much has changed in our lives during this year. she's learned to spread her wings a little and i've learned (though it sure hurts) that i can't hold on to her forever and that i can not fix everything. we've learned that not everyone makes good choices through bullies, mean words and misunderstandings. she's learned that not everyone cares about her feelings like mom and dad. i've learned that i can't shelter her from everything.
the separation has been harder on me than her, but it has provided me with some wonderful one on one time with ethan.

ethan turned two, TWO!, on may 14th. i can't believe how much he's grown physically and mentally. for his birthday he got a big boy trike, a t-ball set and a slip and slide. it's been so rainy and wet we haven't had a chance to use the slip and slide yet, but perhaps this weekend we'll break it out.

tonight is sarah's end of the year choir musical. she has a pink feather boa wrapped steering wheel for the performance. so sarah. actually it's ethan too. i have it hidden in the car until we get to church because i know he's going to pitch a fit for it.

i did my last newsletter for the MOPS year. it's kind of sad because i enjoy it so. but i'm excited about my new position and i know that God can use me in other ways just as He can use someone else to do the newsletter. my secret pal was emily and she gave me a gift certificate to louise's. what a great secret pal! i can't wait to go spend it.

summer should prove to be exciting and busy though in a more unstructured way than the school year. i can't wait to have fun with both of my children! and hopefully donald will be able to join us on a few of the days.

two years ago today i was laying in the hospital bed in tears with discouragement weighing heavily on my heart. for weeks i had been in the most intense pain of my life. on my hardest, most painful days, i would lay in bed singing to my Lord through my pain. often my words were muffled by my clenched jaw, barely audible through whispered tears, and sometimes overwhelming unintelligible through my sobs. but the song, from my heart, remained the same. here are the words that got me through the hardest time of my life:

praise you in this storm
by casting crowns

i was sure by now
that you would have reached down
and wiped our tears away
stepped in and saved the day
but once again, i say, "amen", and it's still raining

as the thunder rolls
i barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
i raise my hands and praise the God who gives
and takes away

i'll praise You in this storm
and i will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where i am
every tear i've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
i will praise You in this storm

i remember when
i stumbled in the wind
You heard me cry
You raised me up again
my strength is almost gone
how can i carry on
if i can't find You

i lift my eyes unto the hills
where does my help come from?
my help comes from the Lord
the maker of heaven and earth


two years later i am left with not only the memories of how much pain i endured, but with permanent nerve damage and pain that will stay with me for the duration of my life. but i am so blessed with a precious son who is a constant reminder to me that my God, my Father, loves me and will never leave me alone. his smile, so charming and contagious, is a reminder to me that my God works all things together for good for those who are called according to His purpose. his sweet little hand inside of mine, reminds me that my Father has a plan for me. and the memory of my pain, though it fades with time, reminds me that my Savior endured pain to bring me life eternal.

today has been catch up day on cleaning the house. between me working a few extra hours, designing three websites and just life in general it had been too long since the deep cleaning of dusting and putting things back in their rightful home. ethan is on his fifth episode of blue's clues. he's gone from not watching two seconds of television to wanting blue after blue episode. for now he has moved on to the radio on donald's nightstand.

since it is not raining today and it is scheduled to rain the rest of the week, i am going to make the blue fondant pond for ethan's birthday cake this afternoon. tomorrow will be the day i bake the cake for the sheep pops. i'll bake the actual birthday cake on thursday. no big birthday plans. we like to keep things simple and family oriented. so i'm going to make his favorite dinner of pizza casserole and then we'll sing happy birthday and open his presents before cutting into the cake. i hope that it comes out as well as i have invisioned it!

here you will likely find random thoughts, stories about my children, what's baking in my kitchen and anything else i feel like writing about. like most, the intent of my blog is to keep family members up to date on what's going on in our life.