i am a planner. i don't like change and i don't like unplanned activities. when something comes up that changes my plans i get upset. therefore, we don't normally do things spur of the moment. i was sitting at home with the children doing nothing, which was my plan for the day. my sister called and asked if i wanted to meet for lunch. "heck yeah i do" was my response. they had just passed through tuscaloosa on their way to atlanta for a family vacation/client entertainment meeting for shawn. we met for lunch at o'charleys and at some point during the conversation i asked what they were doing once they got to atlanta. april told me they were going to a braves game and asked, "you don't want to go do you?". i hesitated. it wasn't in my plans. my heart wanted to go, to spend some time with my beloved sister and her family. but my brain was searching for reasons we couldn't go. i couldn't think of a reason. so i messaged donald and asked him if he wanted to go. he said yes. i couldn't believe it. so i asked if he was sure and his response was, "yes. we never do anything impulsive. let's go." so we went. we stopped by the house and packed an overnight bag for everyone and we got in the car and went to atlanta - spur of the moment.

and we had the best time. i don't think i've laughed as much since i was last with my sister. only my sister knows the inside jokes that we have. only my sister can make me laugh at the stupidest of things. only my sister can make me bust out laughing with just a look. i would've missed out on 24 hours of fun if i hadn't been willing to bust out of my mold and do something spur of the moment.

life is hard for those of us not inclined to warmly embrace change. life is full of change, much of which people like myself hold off at a distance for as long as possible and accept with clenched teeth when it is no longer possible to resist. thankfully, for people like me, there is one thing that never changes: the Lord. Malachi 3:6 says, "I the Lord do not change". time and time again i am reminded of God's faithfulness. though change is necessary, i can endure it through Christ who strengthens me and i can endure it knowing that my God will not forsake me, nor leave me alone. i am thankful to God for the gift of my family, for the memories we have and for the memories we will make in the future. it's just one more way in which . . . my life takes the cake.

wow. there's one week left in june. it seems our summer is quickly slipping away from us, but we've been busy and having a great time. last week was vbs and the kids loved it. they both love music and music is a big part of vbs at lakeside. so it was the perfect match for them. they like to say, "yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah to v v vbs."

today we went to desoto caverns. i didn't realize they have much more than the cave. the cave was nice though and it wasn't too much walking or climbing. there were only two sets of stairs that ethan and i missed out on. we waited at the bottom for the rest of the group. the stalagmites and stalactites are beautiful. the light show was a little lame, but maybe that's just me. the kids seemed to enjoy it. it was H O T though. by the end of the day we were sweaty and exhausted. but we made family memories and that's what counts. even got to enjoy some time with friends that i haven't spent time with lately. that's always a plus.

ethan made me laugh today. (he does most days though) we were sitting on the bench waiting for some of the group to finish an activity he and i could not participate in. and he wanted to go get into the water. he kept beckoning "come mon, come mon". but i didn't want to get wet and i didn't want him to get wet because i had a doctor's appointment on the way home and i didn't bring towels or a change of clothes. so i kept telling him no. he finally looked at me and said, "one, two . . ". i count to three before implenting discipline to ethan. so evidentally he has picked up on the "one, two . . ." as a way to get me to do what he wants. didn't work. but it did make me chuckle. i know that you're not supposed to laugh when they do something you don't want them to do . . but sometimes it's just flat out funny and you can't help yourself.

this weekend is shaping up to be a laid back weekend. sarah keeps begging to go to the pool so perhaps we can work that out. i'm not going to try and take both kids by myself! i'm too afraid one of them will get away from me. plus . . . i am not a "get wet" kind of gal. i really don't like to be wet. saturday i'll bake some mancakes (as d'an likes to call them) for some friends that have ordered them. sunday is father's day. i suppose i'll reflect on the three fathers in my life . . . my heavenly father, my earthly father and my children's father. both earthly fathers (my dad and my husband) are good reflections of my heavenly father. and for that i am thankful.

it's been a busy day decorating for vbs. we're all exhausted, but it's one of my favorite events of the year. the lack of naps is starting to catch up with us. i'm sitting here at the computer with ethan at my feet crying. in an attempt to stop the whining, i hand him a butterscotch chip. immediately he lifts his other hand for one more. so now he has one in each hand, because that's what kids do. he licks one. looks at the other. he likes it. but he realizes that if he eats one, he will only have one. and he looks at me helplessly. he's seeking reassurance that if he eats one, i'll give him another. i have a bag full of butterscotch chips (i want to make a butterscotch pie), and i am willing to give him another one. but he has to trust me and eat one, freeing his hand in the process for what is to come.

i'm quite sure i see myself in my son. God gives me something good and i want one more. i like both things, they are good, but i don't want to let go. what if my hand is left empty? however, what if God is sitting there . . looking at me . . waiting for me to let go of one so He can replace it with another. i'm 34 years old. what have i missed out on because i just wouldn't let go? my mother always told me "hold on to your blessings with open hands. allow God to give and to take as He pleases. sometimes He takes and gives something better".

wise words from a wise woman. "her children arise and call her blessed." (prov. 31:28a) you are blessed, mom. just as you called your mother blessed, so your children call you blessed. may i pursue the legacy maxine left and you uphold.

today we enjoyed spending the entire day at home. it's a rare occasion when we don't leave the house for anything, but we always enjoy ourselves when that happens. this morning we got out the slip and slide that aunt april sent ethan for his second birthday. there's a very gentle slope between our house and the neighbor's and it makes a great place for the slip and slide. it's just enough slope to help them slide down the slide easier without flying off the end into the grass.

getting out the slip and slide is a lot easier said than done. there's the slip and slide, which needed to be inflated and staked into the ground. then getting both kids into swimsuits (little swimmers for ethan). then bringing out chairs for mom and dad to sit in. sunscreen must be applied because we all burn very easily. drinks to be poured because everyone suddenly decides they are thirsty. a trip back inside to get forgotten towels. finally, we're ready to play on the slip and slide. my reward for my hard work: precious giggles and squeals of delight. i think my children had more fun in our own backyard than they did on our vacation last week. and until the water bill gets here, it didn't cost us a single penny. haha

there's not much that brings my heart more joy than hearing my children laughing and having fun. i love how sarah mothers ethan in a loving way that's not overbearing or bossy. i love hearing ethan laugh at the smallest of things. i love the way he wants to do everything that "sarwah" does. i love sarah asking me to rate her performance on a scale of 1 to 10. i love when sarah is telling me something and ethan says "momma" followed by a bunch of jibberish because he wants to be a part of the conversation. i love hearing ethan tell me "i love chou so mush". i love hearing sarah tell me that i'm "the best momma and that God did a good thing when He made me her mom".

it's such a shame that all people don't see their children as blessings. psalm 127:3 (cev) says that "children are a blessing and a gift from the Lord". wow. am i ever blessed. as a mom, i relish my children enjoying a gift more than i do receiving a gift. it gives me great satisfaction to see their pleasure with something i have picked out specifically for them. how much more does my Father, from whom all good and perfect gifts come (james 1:17), delight in my enjoyment of my children? He made them, knit them together (psalm 139:13), specifically for me. good? most of the time. perfect? perfect for me.

i haven't written in a week, which is why i put off blogging for so long. most days i don't have any profound thoughts or insights. the last week has been busy with living life and hasn't provided much time for reflective thinking. but here's a recap of the week:

tomorrow is sarah's last day of kindergarten. so much has changed in our lives during this year. she's learned to spread her wings a little and i've learned (though it sure hurts) that i can't hold on to her forever and that i can not fix everything. we've learned that not everyone makes good choices through bullies, mean words and misunderstandings. she's learned that not everyone cares about her feelings like mom and dad. i've learned that i can't shelter her from everything.
the separation has been harder on me than her, but it has provided me with some wonderful one on one time with ethan.

ethan turned two, TWO!, on may 14th. i can't believe how much he's grown physically and mentally. for his birthday he got a big boy trike, a t-ball set and a slip and slide. it's been so rainy and wet we haven't had a chance to use the slip and slide yet, but perhaps this weekend we'll break it out.

tonight is sarah's end of the year choir musical. she has a pink feather boa wrapped steering wheel for the performance. so sarah. actually it's ethan too. i have it hidden in the car until we get to church because i know he's going to pitch a fit for it.

i did my last newsletter for the MOPS year. it's kind of sad because i enjoy it so. but i'm excited about my new position and i know that God can use me in other ways just as He can use someone else to do the newsletter. my secret pal was emily and she gave me a gift certificate to louise's. what a great secret pal! i can't wait to go spend it.

summer should prove to be exciting and busy though in a more unstructured way than the school year. i can't wait to have fun with both of my children! and hopefully donald will be able to join us on a few of the days.

two years ago today i was laying in the hospital bed in tears with discouragement weighing heavily on my heart. for weeks i had been in the most intense pain of my life. on my hardest, most painful days, i would lay in bed singing to my Lord through my pain. often my words were muffled by my clenched jaw, barely audible through whispered tears, and sometimes overwhelming unintelligible through my sobs. but the song, from my heart, remained the same. here are the words that got me through the hardest time of my life:

praise you in this storm
by casting crowns

i was sure by now
that you would have reached down
and wiped our tears away
stepped in and saved the day
but once again, i say, "amen", and it's still raining

as the thunder rolls
i barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
i raise my hands and praise the God who gives
and takes away

i'll praise You in this storm
and i will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where i am
every tear i've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
i will praise You in this storm

i remember when
i stumbled in the wind
You heard me cry
You raised me up again
my strength is almost gone
how can i carry on
if i can't find You

i lift my eyes unto the hills
where does my help come from?
my help comes from the Lord
the maker of heaven and earth


two years later i am left with not only the memories of how much pain i endured, but with permanent nerve damage and pain that will stay with me for the duration of my life. but i am so blessed with a precious son who is a constant reminder to me that my God, my Father, loves me and will never leave me alone. his smile, so charming and contagious, is a reminder to me that my God works all things together for good for those who are called according to His purpose. his sweet little hand inside of mine, reminds me that my Father has a plan for me. and the memory of my pain, though it fades with time, reminds me that my Savior endured pain to bring me life eternal.

today has been catch up day on cleaning the house. between me working a few extra hours, designing three websites and just life in general it had been too long since the deep cleaning of dusting and putting things back in their rightful home. ethan is on his fifth episode of blue's clues. he's gone from not watching two seconds of television to wanting blue after blue episode. for now he has moved on to the radio on donald's nightstand.

since it is not raining today and it is scheduled to rain the rest of the week, i am going to make the blue fondant pond for ethan's birthday cake this afternoon. tomorrow will be the day i bake the cake for the sheep pops. i'll bake the actual birthday cake on thursday. no big birthday plans. we like to keep things simple and family oriented. so i'm going to make his favorite dinner of pizza casserole and then we'll sing happy birthday and open his presents before cutting into the cake. i hope that it comes out as well as i have invisioned it!